BRODY'S MIRACLE MOLECULE

FADE IN.

EXT. DAY. CAMPUS OF THE STATE UNIVERSITY.

CAMERA moves across campus toward distant science building. We see a sign proclaiming this to be the State University as we advance.

CAMERA focuses on the Science Building with name on pediment and finally closes in on the building.

INT. SCIENCE BUILDING.

Door of lab has sign declaring this to be CENTER FOR ARMS RESEARCH. (U. S. Army).

INT. LAB.

A well-equipped science lab with gurgling test tubes, rising vapors, charts listing the basic elements, etc. DAVE BRODY stands at one end of the large room near a box-shaped device mounted in the corner. He wears a white lab coat and holds a pane of glass in his hands. He tilts it this way and that as he examines it critically.

Door opens and FRED BECKER enters and advances toward Dave.

FRED

(looking around)

So. This is where the mad scientist works his black

magic, eh?

(spots pane

of glass)

Don't tell me you do windows now.

DAVE

Only special ones.

Dave moves to a box-shaped structure in the corner and nods for Fred to follow him. He hands the glass to Fred.

DAVE

Here. Hold this.

(points)

Stand over there.

FRED

(taking glass)

Here?

DAVE

Yeah. That's good.

Dave moves to a nearby desk and reaches into a drawer. He pulls out an enormous pistol and proceeds to cram a huge cartridge into the chamber.

FRED

(alarmed)

What's with the gun?

DAVE

(spinning chamber)

To test the glass. It's bullet-proof

and I'm going to shoot...

FRED

Are you crazy? You want to see if

this glass will stop a bullet while I'm

standing behind it?!

Fred dances and ducks as he searches wildly for a place to put the deadly glass before Dave can get a shot off.

DAVE

Relax. It's perfectly safe.

Didn't I tell you the glass was

bullet-proof?

(reaches for it)

Here, give me that, for Christ's

sake!

He takes the glass from Fred and places it in a stand designed to hold such objects. He also places a manikin in the box behind the glass. Dave returns to the desk, takes up the gun, and fires a shot at the glass. It explodes in a shower of fragments and the manikin's head is slammed into the box and bounces out and rolls across the floor with a large hole in its forehead. It comes to rest at Fred's feet.

DAVE

(exasperated)

Shit!

Fred slowly bends down and picks up the head. He stares at it in disbelief and then looks at Dave.

FRED

(outraged)

You are crazy?! You could have

killed me!

(holds out head)

This could be my head we're

looking at here!

Dave tosses the gun into the drawer and moves off.

DAVE

Don't be silly. It that were

your head only one of us would

be looking at it.

Fred looks at the head and shudders. He tosses it away.

FRED

You'll go too far one of these

days. You're losing your grip.

DAVE

Why shouldn't I be losing my grip?

Look what I do all day.

(gestures at lab)

Arms research for the U. S. Army.

Invent new ways to kill people.

(snatches up plans)

Plans for a new poison gas designed

to kill crops but not people.

(beat, wryly)

The people get to die later of starvation.

(points to gurgling

test tubes)

Chemical warfare shit to paralyze

whole cities at a time.

(rattles box)

Exploding bullets so we can

make even bigger holes in each other.

(holds up bayonet)

Self-cleaning bayonets yet.

Dave tosses the bayonet down in disgust and plops dejectedly onto a stool.

FRED

(surveying lab)

Yeah, you've got a pretty shitty

job, all right, but if you

want to know the real meaning

FRED (cont’d)

of despair, try teaching

freshman English.

(picks up model)

What's this?

DAVE

(looking up)

Oh, that's my idea for the

ultimate bomb. It kills whoever

sets it off.

FRED

(puzzled)

But nobody could ever use such

a bomb.

DAVE

(nodding)

Yeah.

FRED

Oh.

(beat)

Good idea.

Fred gingerly puts the model down.

DAVE

(drily)

It's the one project in the

place I've got any hope for.

FRED

You're depressing me. Come

on, let's go get a beer and

cool out.

DAVE

(perking up)

Wait. You've met Mr. Hyde. Now

let’s meet Dr. Jekyll. Follow me.

Dave moves to a door in the far wall. He takes out a key and unlocks it and enters. Fred follows him into a mini-lab cluttered with paraphernalia and containing a wall of cages with white rats and a monkey.

DAVE

(gesturing)

Welcome to my inner-sanctum,

a sane place in a mad world.

No bombs here, no bullets.

Just pure science.

FRED

(peering into

microscope)

What are you looking for?

DAVE

Endorphins.

FRED

(looking up)

Endorphins?

DAVE

Amino acids.

(readies food

as he talks)

They work on the pleasure

center of the brain. If I

make the right changes with the

right chemicals, I could make

an agent that would give people

the ultimate pleasure.

FRED

A pleasure pill?

DAVE

You got it.

(moves to cages)

A pill so good it could make

sex obsolete.

FRED

Nothing's better than sex.

DAVE

Wanna bet?

FRED

(impressed)

Hey, you're serious! Jeez, a pill

like that would make you rich overnight.

DAVE

(absently)

Yeah. Then I could tell the army

to go to hell.

(comes to)

Say hi to some of my assistants.

These guys do all my testing

for me.

FRED

(poking finger

at rats)

Poor bastards.

DAVE

(laughs)

No, they aren't. These guys lead

interesting lives.

(to rats)

Don't you, boys?

(moves to the monkey)

This is Bob. He's my chief

tester. He tests everything that

doesn't kill the rats, and I try

it if it doesn't kill him.

CAMERA on Bob. He's a cute monkey of the sort found in the company of organ grinders on street corners. Bob wears a small hat held on with a chin strap and holds a cigarette in one hand. There are articles of miniature monkey clothing lying around in the cage including sunglasses, a little coat, etc.

FRED

(reaches for cage)

Where did you get this guy?

DAVE

Careful! Monkeys are mean

critters. They bite.

(pets Bob)

Bob's pretty even tempered as

a rule, but when he gets riled up

he'll throw stuff and piss on

you and...

FRED

He pisses on you?

DAVE

He's got a range of ten feet

or more. You could use him for a

fire hose.

Fred steps back a bit out of range.

FRED

Where'd you get him?

DAVE

(lights Bob's cigarette)

Rescued him from a lab in

Oregon. They were doing research

on smoking and the poor little

tyke got hooked on cigarettes.

He gets pissed if he can't smoke.

(beat)

Before that he was a circus

monkey. Did somersaults on the

back of a galloping horse.

(pets him)

If I ever find what I'm looking

for, Bob here will be the first to know.

FRED

How close are you?

DAVE

Can't say. Could be any day

or never. It doesn't matter. It's

doing real science that counts.

FRED

(looking around)

I'm impressed.

DAVE

(starts out)

Well, let's go have that beer

you were talking about.

FRED

Right. Beer can do good things

to one's pleasure center, too.

They start out.

EXT. DAY. CAMPUS TAVERN.

Dave and Fred stop on the sidewalk in front of the tavern and examine headline in newsstand. Headline proclaims that two more countries now have the atomic bomb.

DAVE

(picks up paper)

The assholes won't be satisfied

until they blow us all up.

(reads)

"Terrorists Blow Up School Bus."

(frowns, reads on)

"Riots in India Leave Forty Dead."

(shakes head)

"Mayor Indicted in Porn Scandal."

(drops paper

in disgust)

What's the world coming to?

FRED

(drily)

It looks like it's coming to an end.

DAVE

You're right. Let's get that

beer before it's too late.

They enter the tavern. As they move inside Fred looks back over his shoulder and up into the sky as though looking for an approaching bomb.

INT. TAVERN.

Dave leads the way and stops when he spots table at which friends TOM FORBES, JACK MARSH, and MARY ATKINS are seated

DAVE

Well, I see the regulars are

here.

(to waitress,

imperially)

Give 'em all drinks, lass...

(points to Tom)

...and give that man the check!

TOM

Brody's here! Break out the

cheap wine!

JACK

It's the mad scientist himself!

MARY

Hi, Dave. How's the bomb business?

DAVE

(to Fred)

They're a scurrilous lot, but

they're the only people on the

whole goddam campus who'll

tolerate me socially.

TOM

(to Fred)

It's true. The guy's a pariah.

DAVE

(to waitress)

Beer for me and my pal here.

And bring them another round.

MARY

No more for me. I've got to walk home.

Waitress nods and goes off.

DAVE

(introducing Fred)

Fred Becker, this is Tom Forbes,

Mary Atkins, and Jack Marsh.

Jack and Mary are in business

and Tom's in law.

(to others)

Fred's in English. He was at

Ohio State last year.

All mutter hello, shake hands, etc.

TOM

So how goes the research, Dave?

Any major breakthroughs?

JACK

Yeah. Got any more samples

of your near misses?

DAVE

(reaching for pocket)

As a matter of fact, I do

have some recent rejects here.

ED is passing their table and stops.

ED

Dave! How's it going, ol' buddy?

DAVE

(looking up)

Oh, hi, Ed. Good, pretty good.

How about you?

ED

Okay.

(leaning in)

Say, you got any more of those

little red ones? You know, the shiny ones?

DAVE

Not a one, Ed. I gave the

last of 'em to the dean the other day.

ED

(snaps fingers)

Damn. That's too bad.

(half to himself)

You know, those were the most

entertaining little rascals...

Dave has by now finished pulling his hand from his pocket and he opens it and holds it out to Ed.

DAVE

Here, try one of these. They're

not as good as the red ones but

you'll like 'em.

ED

(brightening)

Well, let's find out.

(takes one, leans in)

Say, Dave, are you sure those

little red ones aren't the one

you're looking for? They did the

most remarkable things...

DAVE

(shakes head)

No. Good as they were, they're

not it. I'll know when I've got

the real thing–or Bob will.

ED

(somberly)

Think of it. A monkey decides

the fate of the world.

MARY

Haven't they always?

Ed shakes his head and leaves. Others call for samples.

JACK

Give us one of those.

TOM

Yeah, don't forget, we've been

testees right from the start.

MARY

That's right...

(dubiously)

...though I'm not sure I want to

be included with the testees.

They all reach for the little white pills.

FRED

Uh, isn't that against the law

or something? I mean, what if

the DEA people find out?

TOM

Dave's legit, Fred. Legally these

things don't even exist–and you

can't have a law against something

that doesn't exist.

DAVE

(explaining)

When I change the molecular

structure of a chemical, I get

something entirely new, something

the world's never seen before.

There's nothing illegal in it.

(indicates pills)

These are an experiment that

didn't work, that's all.

JACK

And that's why we regard him as a

friend to all mankind

DAVE

(laughing)

If I give up this research and

start looking for a better aspirin,

I'll never see any of you guys again.

All agree and make appropriate remarks.

TOM

Well, you're right about that!

JACK

Even we wouldn't tolerate you then.

MARY

Don't you believe it, Dave.

We love you in spite of your failures.

FRED