Then he approaches bovine puberty and things begin to happen as per nature's orders. He grows very rapidly as testosterone shoots through his body like a wave of corruption spreading through Congress and suddenly the little tyke is turning into a young bull and becoming something quite different from a frolicking calf.

As you know, bulls are fierce animals weighing half a ton or more with deadly horns capable of punching major holes into anything that irritates them. What's more, bulls are lacking in patience; in fact, some even go so far as to claim they're short tempered in the extreme and cannot be trusted.

Bulls like things their own way. They're independent, resolute, and brave. They'll bridge no nonsense, tolerate no insult. In other words, bulls are uncontrollable.

Testosterone is the culprit here. This is the stuff that makes bulls bulls. Remove the testosterone and you take away the essence of bull-ness. Since the testosterone comes from the testicles, young bulls are routinely de-balled to produce something called a steer, a docile, spiritless, passive creature sans balls.

The same results are obtained when men are de-balled, a process now continuing apace in America and swiftly turning us into a nation of wimps and dweebs without spines or convictions, pride or honor.

It's our intention to sound the alarm and reverse the insidious de-balling of America and help restore our national manhood before it's too late

PART ONE

A brief overview of the rise of de-balling with it’s beginnings and current state of things including a commentary on the role played by recent attempts to address the subject.

Chapter One – In the Beginning

In the beginning there was this big bang and a lot of quarks and anti-matter and neutrinos and sparks and other stuff poured out and filled up the universe. A few billion years later our sun appeared and so did our planet. Eventually, life sprang up in the ocean and evolved into dinosaurs, some very ugly birds and assorted bugs, and a lot of greenery. Then about three million years ago, give or take an eon or two, a monkey mutated into the first human being and started along Darwin's evolutionary road driven entirely by instinct and the natural laws governing the development of monkeys. These prototypical men eventually became modern man and by being aggressive and strong and determined they ultimately gained control of the planet and everything on it.

They weren't people right away, of course–the Darwinians are right, after all–but slowly became recognizable as people over some time. These people appeared in pairs from the start and included both sexes in the mix, a fact which does much to explain all the trouble we've been in ever since.

As with the bulls previously mentioned, men had balls and testosterone and they grew into men while women, as everyone knows, were made of the odd rib and estrogen and they grew into creatures of a different ilk.

At first, men and women got along fairly well because the rules were simple and everybody understood them. Men were bigger, stronger, faster, and better jumpers than women so they naturally took charge of things and everyone accepted the status quo because it just seemed right to do so.

Men and women had different roles from earliest times to the present because of their basic differences, both physiological and psychological. When cave woman wanted a piano moved or a dinosaur driven off she called the nearest guy and gave him the job while she carried in some more water or washed the cave walls. She did so because men were and are much better at moving pianos and driving off dinosaurs than women are.

It doesn't necessarily follow, of course, that women are better at carrying in water and washing walls than men. We're dealing with a division of labor here, though, and it makes good sense that it's divided along lines that best serve both sexes. Ergo, men charged with surging testosterone and equipped with massive forearms handled all the violence and dangerous stuff and women developed their nurturing skills and affection for housework.

Men were the unquestioned leaders of the tribe, too. They were the chiefs and high muck-a-mucks and priests and they made policy and decided the laws and dispensed whatever justice there was and generally ran things and it was right and proper they did. After all, weren't they bigger and stronger and specifically designed by nature to do these things?

Doesn't the same thing prevail in all other species? Male lions lead their prides, male wolves their packs, rams their flocks, boars their rashers, bulls their herds, and so on ad infinitum. This situation exists universally because nature intended it so; one might even say the whole thing was set up by some sort of divine decree when work was first begun on Eden.

I ask you, is NOW so bold as to challenge divine decrees? Are feminists willing to thwart God's will? Will they defy eons of tradition rooted in the very essence of our beings?

Unbelievable.

All down through the millennia these immutable laws have governed man's evolution and helped us become what we are today. Ancient Egyptians recognized men as leaders and gave them prominent roles to play in society. Men built the pyramids while women cooked their meals and minded the kids. Men went off to war and killed the neighbors on every side while women stayed home and sewed uniforms for the troops and held bond rallies. Men carved enormous statues and harnessed the mighty Nile and wrote great literature and ruled the known world and the women played their accustomed roles–supporting ones, usually.

The pattern continued in ancient Greece. Helen inspired the Trojan Wars but she didn't fight in them. Her role was a sexual one and nothing more. She turned everybody on and drove them half nuts with a mighty barrage of pheromones and the guys went off and laid waste to whole civilizations and all because the lady was sexy as hell.

In fact, this seems to be one of women's chief roles in our history. They seduce us with wanton displays of half-naked breasts and creamy thighs and sloe-eyed glances and makeup and blasts of pheromones that would wobble a cardinal and we go off and do noble (or insane) things as a result. In this sense, their role is merely to inspire others but not to take direct action themselves. Is this also a part of nature's plan?

Anyway, that's how it worked then. Men did things and women watched 'em and lent moral support. Nobody drew up a plan or polled everybody or called for a vote on the matter, it's just the way things worked because they worked better that way. Pianos were moved, dinosaurs successfully driven off, neighbors killed, pyramids built, art created, societies governed, and all by men playing roles outlined for 'em by nature herself. What could be more obvious? Or more natural?

This isn't to say women played no role at all, of course. They had babies, after all, and not by executive fiat but rather because they were fitted out to perform this function. It wasn't a committee of men that put 'em together; they came so equipped and things took their natural course.

Women actually played roles every bit as important as those of men, they just played different ones. It's likely that men even shared women's work at those times they weren't busy fighting tigers or slaying bison or whatever but everyone knew who was supposed to do what, anyway.

And so the human species eased its tenuous way through Africa and the Near and Far East and into the subcontinent and across Europe and grew until it numbered in the millions and took a bead on the Neolithic Age some 20,000 years B.C. when Homo sapiens (us) rose up and massacred all of our slow-witted Neanderthal neighbors, took all their stuff, and launched an enlightened age that would see the rise of Christianity among other wonders.

N. B.

1. Men are natural leaders because nature made 'em so.

2. Women play supporting roles, also decreed by nature.

Chapter Two – Early De-Balling Attempts

Governments, or the guys who ran 'em, anyway, took an early interest in the testosterone issue even without actually knowing what the hell it is. They did know they needed tough guys with machismo to spare who could wage war on selected enemies and still not be uncontrollable as citizens during those rare times when peace reigned. The problem was how to have it both ways.

This all started when some guy who was bigger and probably smarter than his buddies declared himself in charge and demanded they accord him respect along with a certain percentage of their income. He hired a few of his buddies as backup men and everybody fell in line or else. It amounted to a kind of prehistoric extortion ring shaking down local merchants for protection money.

While the scheme worked, it was a highly dangerous one since there were always some really tough guys out there smart enough to see what the chief and his pals were up to and reckless enough to do something about it. The first political plot was hatched within minutes after the first government was formed in some Neanderthal cave and the world's first chief executive found himself up to his ass in enemies before the day was out.

So he had to de-ball 'em, or partially de-ball 'em, anyway. He did that by depriving 'em of their manhood in certain ways. A man made to acknowledge another as a superior will suffer some such loss. So will a man held in some sort of economic captivity. A man reduced to begging can become something less than a man.

What the chief did was to make subjects out of people who once were his equals. By enforcing laws designed solely to keep his ass in power and exacting tribute, he was able to flourish even if his people starved.

Still, governors probably wouldn't have been able to stay in power through force alone. After all, starving and oppressed people will eventually rebel if abused severely enough and faced with enemies they can reach. Ask all the assassinated bigwigs who've run afoul of enraged mobs.

But the chief had some help from the religiosos who were busy running a scam of their own. These guys learned that they could bamboozle their fellows with magic and shadow play and outright lies and they formed some of the earliest religions for the sole purpose of maintaining themselves in something bordering on affluence. Our own Christian religion, clearly the world's only true religion, didn't put in an appearance until Roman times, of course.

These early primitive religions were aimed at keeping people in line. There were gods to appease, sacrifices to make, collections to take up. People were threatened with terrible punishment if they pissed-off the gods–or their appointed vicars on Earth, i.e., the boys at City Hall. In other words, the religiosos and politicians worked hand in glove to hoodwink the people and promote their own mutual interests.

Well, once these guys joined forces the little man was done for. Between the gods and the pols, the poor sap never had a chance. He was too slow to figure the whole thing out and went along because he didn't know any better. And what was the result? Remember, our subject is de-balling, destroying one's manhood, and isn't that what happened to men when they fell under the spell of their smarter neighbors and agreed to let others do their thinking for them?

So men lost much of their manhood to the strictures of church and state but they still liked to believe they were real men in other ways, places, and times. For example, men took pride in being masculine among other men. They wanted to be perceived as real men, macho guys who could tough it out with the best of 'em if required to do so.

They were all great with the ladies, of course. A wink and an elbow in the ribs told all. One of the requirements of manhood is to be successful with the ladies, everybody knows that. Even guys who never score will imply they do to save face. Naturally, the chiefs and high priests made laws giving them the right to multiple wives and an unlimited supply of mistresses because having many women has always been a sign of power and importance.

Ironically, it was the women men wanted in wholesale lots who turned de-balling into a fine art and left countless millions of broken caricatures of real men in their wake. The fact is, women have felt put upon since they took the rap for that apple incident and they've been after our asses ever since. They never made any overt moves against men as that would have been downright dangerous, but they murmured among themselves and plotted our ruin while doing lunch and hanging out at the hairdresser's.

You see, it didn't take women long to figure out that man's strength lay not in his hair or muscles but in his balls. They saw what happened to the young bulls and they knew they could work the same magic on men if they could just have a go at their balls.

This isn't to say women wanted to castrate men in any real sense. They knew it would be fatal even to threaten the average guy's balls let alone make any sudden moves toward 'em with a sharp instrument. No, they merely desired an emotional de-balling, one made up of innuendo and insinuation, a kind of psychological castration that would leave men intact and yet sap their strength and make 'em malleable. They knew if they could rob a man of his masculinity they could dominate his ass and make him do their bidding.

But how to pull this off? How could weak women confront strong men? What weapon did they have at their disposal that would prove effective against men?

Then somebody remembered sex. If there was one thing women had that men wanted, it was sex in all its forms. The average Neanderthal galoot could be mesmerized in a trice by a flashing thigh or a well-turned ankle and women learned to manipulate men through their sexual charms in no time.

Women could reward men with sex. They could withhold it as a kind of punishment. They could get even when pissed by laying all the other guys in the neighborhood and making their man a laughingstock and the butt of jokes among small children. They could even use it as a stock-in-trade and go into business in that earliest of early professions.

At some point somebody–doubtless a woman since no sane man would ever come up with such an absurd notion–invented marriage and demanded that men submit to a catalogue full of conditions before they'd give 'em any at all. Women required that men agree to support 'em through good times and bad and not have sex with any other women among other equally exasperating things.

Well, these guys were horny as hell because the women had cut 'em off unless they bought this new concept so they gave in and agreed to surrender another chunk of their manhood for guaranteed access to nooky. Under the circumstances, of course, they had no choice. What good are freedom and honor and an intact integrity if you never get laid?

But the worst was yet to come. Shortly after the first wedding in some meadow somewhere, the new wife got pissed about something and she gave her new husband a scathing scolding and roundly cursed his family and lineage and the spineless dweeb hung his head and moped around like a beaten yellow dog. Women everywhere took note.

Nagging swept the planet. Patents were applied for, clinics established, workshops arranged, franchises sold. Mothers instructed their daughters in the fine points of the trade and whipped their feckless husbands into shape for their edification. A lot of women would lash their husbands with scorn and heap abuse on their asses just to entertain their lady friends of an afternoon.

No one was immune. History is replete with stories of men great and small who were nagged their whole lives long by vicious old bats with tongues like shredders. Socrates and Alexander and Brutus and Eric the Red and Lincoln and everybody in Wales and countless others felt the sharp lash of some harridan's tongue.

The result? More ball-less men, of course. Their need for sex added to the exactions of church and state and the advent of nagging left most guys entirely bereft of manly qualities and produced the first of a vast army of wimps who continue to proliferate to this very day. These guys were known everywhere as the ball-less ones, the henpecked, the ones who went ponytails.

It's a mighty sad picture, isn't it?

One currently prominent writer claims men are screwed up because their dads were inept. Pure nonsense, of course. Mere psycho babble. The point is, men's balls have been under attack for eons by all kinds of people who benefit from being surrounded by wimps. De-balled men can be made to toe the line. Such men are easily led and can be readily used for anything from outright slaves to cannon fodder with nary a complaint from the victims. Everyone holds such men in contempt, especially their wives who are most responsible for rendering 'em eunuchs in the first place.

And the whole business continues even today.

N. B.

1. It is a function of government to de-ball the men in its society.

2. It is a function of religion to help 'em do it.

3. Women are the greatest de-ballers of all and are responsible for most of the world's castrati.

Chapter Three–De-Balling Today

Are men worse off today in the de-balling department than they formerly were? Yes, because there are more de-ballers out there nowadays, more people with sharp instruments, more pointed rules, a surfeit of eunuch worshipers in our institutions both public and private. Keeping your balls intact today requires your undivided attention and real courage, and even then most men end up without 'em, anyway.

For example, governments everywhere are even more involved in the de-balling trade than they were in the past. A frightened, timorous populace is still the goal and the pols have many more ways to reach it thanks to the advanced technology of an enlightened era.

We're all spindled, folded, and mutilated, aren't we? They've got us on computers in Washington and in every state capital. We're logged in on police computers, army records trail us everywhere we go, our DNA is registered with God knows how many data banks around the country, and most of us are under actual surveillance in banks, grocery checkout lines, and department store dressing rooms.

The truth is, you can hardly make a move these days without alerting everybody who cares enough to take the trouble to look in on your ass. We're reduced to numbers, mere ciphers: social security, driver's license, phone and fax, credit cards, Blue Cross, we're numbers to all of 'em.

The ultimate number is your genetic code. Every last man of us has been reduced to a series of dots and swirls in the double helix of a DNA molecule. Each is unique, unfailingly you. If there's any truth to the idea propounded by certain religiosos that Satan would one day assign us numbers and precipitate Armageddon, why, by God, your DNA could very well be that number.

This loss of identity wreaks havoc with a guy's sense of himself, with his feeling of maleness. A real man knows who he is and takes pride in himself and holds his head up so he can look people in the eye. But it's hard to do this if you've come to regard yourself as nothing more than dots and swirls on somebody's computer printout.

It was easier for a caveman to be a real man; at least the guy had a name and people knew who the hell he was.

So the government continues to work at de-balling us because it still prefers tractable subjects over intractable ones. While this policy works in one way, it is seriously defective in other ways which we'll examine shortly.

As for the the church, it's lost some of its clout in recent centuries with the advance of science in particular and education generally. Where it once threatened people with fire and brimstone it now offers guitar playing and English in its holy masses. In some cases, priests stand at the door and shake parishioners' hands like aldermen soliciting votes on the courthouse steps.

And fools and jackasses like Pat Robertson and Jim Barker and Jerry Filial and the rest have driven all but the truly ignorant from the bosom of the church and into the Unitarians' camp. Satan should put these guys on commission, for God's sake.

People just don't believe in hell these days; in fact, more and more of 'em don't even believe in life after death and are thereby immune to threats of future punishment. Sin has become negotiable. You can always assert situational ethics as a defense and sufficiently cloud the issue and so escape altogether.

In other words, today's men aren't under as much pressure from the church as were guys in the Middle Ages. They no longer burn dissidents at the stake or stone adulterers. Today's men are free to do whatever they like with little to worry about from the clerical set and that means we keep more of ourselves and are more masculine as a result.

Among the chiefest of de-ballers are employers, the guys who hire the rest of us and have an interest in maintaining the status quo which has been so good to them and theirs. They don't like troublemakers. They don't want individualists, freethinkers; they regard such people as dangerous and will fire their asses just as quick as they can flush 'em out.

They do like sycophants, bootlickers, toadies, and lickspittles. They cultivate yes-men. They prefer employees without spines, men without honor. They surround themselves with people they can bully and threaten and intimidate and even humiliate because they're essentially assholes and without saving graces of any sort.

Can you imagine how hard it is to take crap from these guys and still be a real man? What happens to a man's balls while he's being chewed out by some little pipsqueak who's in charge just because his old man happens to own the company? How do you keep a macho image of yourself when economic necessity forces you to kowtow on request?

There's almost no escaping these assaults on your manhood unless you're independently wealthy and can afford to tell the world to go to hell or you live in a cave and just don't give a damn. All the rest of us have to surrender some major chunks of our machismo just to pay the rent and come up with three squares a day. It's no wonder so many guys have joined the ranks of the de-balled in recent times.

Incidentally, one hopeful sign these days is the number of men who are becoming entrepreneurs and trying to start their own companies so they won't have to play these degrading games. These guys would rather take a chance on failure, bankruptcy, and the poorhouse than crawl before such vermin as one finds in positions of power everywhere.

Still, neither the government nor the church nor tyrannical bosses have done more to break the spirit of men than have our women. The real ball breakers are our own helpmates, creatures manufactured from our very ribs and put here solely to succor us and entertain us as per divine order.

Once women established the concept of holy matrimony with the full support of both church and state, they knew they were in the driver's seat and they've never surrendered the wheel since. They made us sign up for life without parole. We had to stick around even in sickness and poverty till the Grim Reaper showed up at last and set us free.

We were easy prey, too. They decked themselves out in discreetly placed leaves and rubbed berry juice on their lips and adorned their bodies with shell necklaces and aromatic animal fat and lured various poor saps into a compromising situation and got knocked up. This enraged their fathers and hasty marriages were quickly arranged and the poor saps were reduced from proud, romantic figures roving the hinterlands in search of adventure to beleaguered dads desperately grubbing for enough provender to provide for a cave full of offspring endlessly demanding more of everything while their wives bitched and whined because they weren't doing enough to keep 'em as they felt they deserved to be kept.

Incidentally, until very recent times the above scenario in re marriage was the usual course of things throughout the planet. Girls flooded the countryside with those dread pheromones and guys knocked 'em up and shotguns were produced and marriages resulted. Actual proposals were almost unheard of and nobody got formally engaged. The guys just wanted to get laid and gave no thought to the consequences while the women, needless to say, gave much thought both to the laying and its consequences.

Shotgun weddings weren't aberrations then; they were the norm. Girls were often sent to convents in the Middle Ages to keep 'em away from guys and pregnancy with varying success. Chaperones were employed to watch over daughters and fend off unwanted suitors and still most girls ended up preceding a shotgun down the aisle. Such is the power of our libidos, especially when combined with the cunning and craftiness of woman in search of some poor sap to call her own.

Women lobbied for ever more strict adultery laws in an effort to curb our perfectly normal tendency to covet every good-looking woman that crossed our path. Adulterers were jailed or whipped on occasion. Some were stoned, others driven into exile or worse.

Cuckolded husbands often shot their wives' lovers in what amounted to grave injustices. After all, they should shoot their errant wives instead since they're the ones who are obliged to say no. Certainly no one expects real men to refuse a handsome woman's inviting smile; such an act would run counter to our biblical instructions to sow that seed and multiply.

In any case, a married man limited to but one woman is forced to go against his nature and act in an unmanly manner. Monogamy, remember, is not a natural condition. It's rarely if ever found in nature. Oh, I know some people claim geese mate for life but a recent study by Dr. Ashii Tsunami found that wasn't the case at all. The good doctor wore a phony goose outfit and observed geese for thirty years as a virtual member of the flock. He learned that male geese are inveterate philanderers and will sneak off to rendezvous with available females every chance they get. So much for fowl fidelity.

It's clear that our propensity for having multiple women would clash with our wives' requirement of one to a customer. We've worked on the problem since it first became one and still haven't reached any satisfactory answers. Just saying no isn't a satisfactory answer, of course.

But more on all this later.

Things didn't change much all through the Renaissance and Elizabethan times and on down into the twentieth century. Men continued their usual roles as leaders and dominated home and public life in all its forms. Women continued to be mothers and wives in acting out their own destinies and things moved along nicely. We advanced ourselves by leaps and bounds from primitive savages to enlightened sophisticates under the plan laid out for us by the forces of nature herself and all was right in the world.

Then about thirty years or so ago some women became dissatisfied with their lot and began to insist that we let them run things for a while and the next thing we knew we were awash in feminists sans bras and good sense. They wanted to overturn all those eons of evolution and tradition and defy the clearly stated will of the gods by aspiring to places they were never intended to have and it's been all downhill ever since.

They resented it when we opened doors for 'em. They said they were independent people with individual worth and could open their own doors. They demanded respect and refused to be sex objects and wanted to be valued for their minds, if you can believe it. They claimed to be our equals and bitched because we couldn't furnish 'em with regular orgasms and railed against our chauvinism.

All along the feminist's chief goal has been to change things for the better by changing men into something else. After all, we're the problem, aren't we? If we're the thing that's broken, then we're the thing that needs fixing. All we have to do is allow ourselves to be made over to suit women's idea of what a proper man should be and presto! everything's hunky-dory. What could be simpler?

But is it so simple? Are we broken because women say we are? If women are screwed up, is the fault necessarily ours–or is it possible they're responsible for their own troubles? Maybe women should look to themselves if they're all that anxious to fix broken things and leave us the hell alone.

Finally, in the last few years men rebelled against the tyranny of NOW and reacted by forming a so-called men's movement which claimed to know what ails men and how to cure that ailment. People wrote books that became bestsellers and nerds and losers by the thousands flocked to the new gurus in search of some mysterious missing ingredient in their psyches that made 'em the wimps and losers they are.

And it's all so much bullshit, you know.

Anyway, that's how we got where we are today. Now let's take a closer look at just what the hell's going on here and see if we can make some sense of all the bullshit.

N. B.

1. Machismo is our heritage; don't apologize for it.

2. Women play supporting roles; men are stars. It's always been so.

3. Forget about divine intervention as there won't be any.

4. Beware of employers as they often demand a man's balls as a

condition of employment.

5. Be an entrepreneur and take charge of your own balls.

6. Resist monogamy as it's unnatural and de-balls its

adherents.

6. Remember, one's balls are a terrible thing to waste.